I have a friend that is the biggest Type A personality I have ever met. If it’s in her head, it’s done. Her house is a showroom (yeah- just try to find a spec of dust), her kids are always fed well balanced and nutritionally sound meals, and they are always perfectly dressed (I think she irons her 18 month olds PJ’s but I don’t have that confirmed), even though she maintains a very stressful career. Her husband, a great guy, has no problem with her doing everything and is willing to “help,” but his spare time is spent, golfing, fishing, fantasy football (or whatever sport), and tells her constantly she needs a hobby.
When she called me, the conversation started with the fact that she didn’t have time for a hobby and evolved into . . . .”honestly, what the heck would I do?” Ok, you are a female and you have 4 hours to yourself (approximately the same amount of time for a round of Golf) . . . now, GO!
Uhhhhh, let’s see. Unless you were raised like Sporty Spice Girl, most of the popular female “hobbies” revolve around nesting or self-maintenance. Shopping, cooking, getting our hair/ nails done, yoga, the gym, scrap booking, pottery making, cooking classes. Or you can be like me & my girlfriends and shake up things with some martinis on the back porch and just talk about getting a hobby.
So I started thinking . . . it happens, I only have one girlfriend who is a golfer, but she is the only female I know with a hobby that completely unplugs her from daily life. But that’s it! All other females I know scratch their brains with the thought of a hobby.
Why??? Well. . .
Little boys are socialized for hobbies. They do most everything in their spare time in team sports (watching, playing outside, or on video games) Those same sports and activities translate to their adult hobbies.
On the opposing side, if little girls are playing a sport it’s volleyball, softball, soccer – great exercise, not an easy to find adult hobby. But, more often than not, we raise little girls to make pretend tea for their teddy bears, play dress up, and they know how to braid Barbie’s hair before they are 3.
I am not saying it’s wrong. But it does make sense to me that if a female wants a hobby she has to stretch her brain and for guys, it’s a given. Saying he’s a golfer/surfer/fisher/ kung-fu fighter is part of a guys personal résumé.
It’s also makes sense to me that if you want to bond or connect with a guy you do an activity. If you want to bond or connect with a female, you talk together – ask questions and pretend like you are listening. More on that later. . .
July 3, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Hahaha you just described my life to a T. I want your book for my husbands birthday and then maybe we will both get what we want for my birthday!
July 10, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Saw you on twitter. I love this post – makes a lot of sense. I almost want to learn how to play golf to give me something to do.
I just wish my husband understood why I think relaxing (sitting in a hottub) is my “golf”
July 14, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Hmmmm….. what is my hobby???? Does reading count? It is something I’m manic about but I’m not sure I could claim hobby.
I could just see Dustin talking about me to a friend, “Ya, my wife’s a reader. Just can’t get her to put those books down.” LOL!
Be sure to LMK if you come up with a good hobby for chicks.
August 8, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I used to love to scuba dive! I used to go almost every weekend. I don’t know how I will do that once the baby is born, but hopefully when the kid(s) are older it can be a family affair. Boating is a great family hobby, too. As I am writing this I realize I’m thinking more in line with what would be fun for a whole family. Guys have hobbies to get away. What can we do to get away? Get our nails done? LOL.
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August 9, 2009 at 6:04 pm
So funny. . . But True! Thanks for posting
August 12, 2009 at 2:08 am
This rings so true! I think it’s really the way society is constructed around gender roles and how easily people adapt these gender roles into their lives. Men have freedom, and women don’t, so of course something like a hobby — meant for free time — is hard for a woman to think of.
August 29, 2009 at 12:01 am
Great post. From the male perspective, it can be confusing trying to understand women’s approach to hobbies and free time, but I think this post does a pretty good job of enlightening. The catch with nesting and self-maintenance is that they are hobbies that don’t always make it easy to meet new people.
September 2, 2009 at 6:38 am
Hey Nathaniel – Thank you for adding your advice. Very true and something I didn’t think about. If you do some of the nesting activities, like scrapbooking, you already need to have your group and meeting people at the salon went out during my grandmother’s era.
Women definitely need more stuff to do to meet people!
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